a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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