Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
