a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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