The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
