Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
