just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
