Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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