i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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