In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
