things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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