well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
