As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
