I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
