my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
