i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
40s are totally the cure
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
