Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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