If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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