it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
