You're my little dorito
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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