I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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