oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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