So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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