We need to rekindle our bromance
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
