I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
