ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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