omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
