So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
