worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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