You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
