i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
