She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
