this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
