I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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