I got chris browned last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
