oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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