I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
