he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
