He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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