Will you blow on my dice?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
