just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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