Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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