new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
