If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
