Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
