my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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