we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
