I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
