i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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