I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
