you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
